Complaining is everywhere. Just listen… hear it? It’s in our minds, in our meetings, on our radios, on Facebook, on the TV… In fact, it’s so prevalent that there’s even an entire movement established to create a complaint-free world (which I think is pretty cool). But until that happens, it seems that our everyday reality is more like living in a sea of complaints.
So, what can we do about it?
Since it’s already happening, why not learn from it? What can we learn from our complaints and the complaints of others? We can listen to complaining as a way to discover two very important things about ourselves and others:
- What we care about
- What we are committed to
In other words, when you hear a complaint, there is a good possibility that beneath that complaint is something the person cares about. For example, I was late for an appointment recently. Fifteen minutes late. And I was complaining to myself about it. While complaining I asked myself: “What is it that I care about and am committed to?” My discovery? I care about being on time and honoring the time of the person I am meeting. I am committed to managing my energy and time effectively and using it efficiently. Once I realized that, I noticed my complaining stopping, and I started asking much better questions: “How can I be on time next time? How can I more effectively manage my time and energy? When I am running late, what is the best course of action to take?”
It is interesting to note that sometimes the intensity of our complaint indicates the intensity of our passion BENEATH the complaint. You may be real passionate about spending quality time with your family each evening, and yet you are constantly being asked – or told – to work late. Your complaining may get rather intense, and that may be true because of the intensity of your desire to be present with your family in the evening. Just investigate and see what is true for you.
Have you ever felt bad about yourself or about others because of complaining? I know I have! And yet, when you shift your focus of mind and energy from complaining to appreciating what you care about and are committed to, you realize you’re a pretty awesome person after all! And that really is the challenge – to shift our focus of attention to what we truly care about and are committed to in life and being an active stand for that – instead of wasting our time and energy complaining.
Of course, there are several other reasons people complain: to get attention, to avoid responsibility, to excuse themselves from work, and so on. But for now, see if you can discover what your complaining is revealing about yourself and others. What is it that you really care about and are committed to in your life, and how can you be a more effective stand for that TODAY?
-Denver J. Hudson